Exactly Where He Wants Me

Albert is a soldier in the army of the Lord. He is ready for battle. He is unencumbered, so that if the Lord needs him to move out, he is ready to go. He describes himself like Gideon's soldiers who stood lapping their water from their hands instead of kneeling down to drink, that they might stay alert and ready. He shows me how this looks, with his hand cupped below his mouth as he scans the landscape for danger. Few possessions to tie him down, finances simple and in order, the minimizing of dependence on the ways of this world. He talked a lot, I listened. I admired, and I also wondered about myself.

I thought about how encumbered I am. I thought of the complexity of my finances, my burden of debt, so distasteful to me. I have always assumed that the Lord doesn't want me to be in debt, because it is an encumbrance and because it is ugly. I thought I was in debt because of some disharmonious disconnect between Father in heaven and me, or perhaps because of some shameful insufficiency of my character, that didn't allow me to be in my Father's will.

I thought God wanted me to be like Albert, and so after my encounter with Albert I despaired. Then I took a quiet path in which I tuned my ears to the Lord's still, small voice. I heard a message that surprised me, while it relieved me of a great long-standing discomfort. The Lord communicated to me in that moment that I am exactly where He wants me. He has allowed this uncomfortable debt to discipline and teach me. He could free me from my debts in the blink of an eye if He wanted to, but He has not done that.

There is much to glean from my financial indebtedness about the debt that Jesus paid on my behalf. I thank God for being so patient as to hold my hand through what Molly delightfully calls the Glorious Untangling of my finances, and I think now I can start really enjoying being in debt, as I seek higher understanding through it, as I seek to glorify the Father through it, and I continue to look to the Lord to bring me freedom from it, when it is His perfect will to do so.

And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2)