Wedding Provision

So much prayer, fasting, submission to the will of God, practice of faith, as well as fretting, worry and doubt in the less admirable moments, went into the days and weeks leading up to Raechel's wedding.

A chain of events had to occur in order for everything to go smoothly. The roof had to be fixed so the rot damage in our new bedroom could be removed so the downstairs could be vacated so the kids could move in and a place could be made for my son and his wife so we could host them and have their help so we could make the wedding a reality so that so that so that...

We wondered, how will we ever be able to afford both the roof and the wedding costs, on top of all the usual massive expenses we deal with on a regular basis? I confess that most of the time I didn't believe it would happen. Oh ye of little faith, that was me.

As the blessings started to pour into our lives, it became clear that Father God was going to make it possible for us to graciously marry off our daughter, praise His Holy Name. I kept a list of how the Lord expressed His mighty creativity in provision for us through this challenging season. Here is a small sampling from a long list:

• The roofer quit halfway through the job, doing just enough work to make it possible for us to remove the rot and set the essential chain of events in motion, and we didn't have to pay him more than a small initial fee that covered the work he did.
• Mistaken IRS charges were removed to the tune of $1500.
• The wedding cake baker gave me a discount for paying in cash.
• My son and daughter-in-law graciously paid for all costs relating to the wedding invitations.
• AT&T sent me not one, not two, but three $50 gift cards for no good reason.
• And my favorite, the one that gave me such encouragement and soothed my worried mind:
I noticed that I had not received a bill for a long time for a payment plan for a hospital visit. I called the hospital billing office and the man told me gravely that my account had been sent to collections for non-payment. I protested, saying I've been paying this faithfully for 2 years. He asked me to hold while he went to investigate. While on hold a song came on the telephone. The lyrics went something like this: "We are angels. We've got roses, wings that fly, souls in flight. Everything's gonna be alright. Everything's gonna be alright." I began to cry, because it really seemed that God had gone out of His way to send His angels to assure me with the words of the song. When the man came back on the phone he apologized. My account had been mistakenly sent to collections, and to make things right he wanted to remove the balance due, which was $3.78.

So we succeeded, with the intervention of a most gracious and generous El Shaddai, who does care not just about important events in faraway places but about all the little details in our own front yard, in putting on a very wonderful wedding for our baby girl and our new son. I acknowledge You, honor You and thank You, Almighty God.

Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow, they neither toil nor spin. Yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown in the oven, will He not much more clothe you, you of little faith? (Matthew 6:28-30)

Gentle Knocking

As soon as I invited Jesus to enter my heart I recognized that He had been knocking at the door of my heart for a long long time. I didn't know what that knocking was until I responded to it, then I realized that the knocking was a warm, familiar old friend. Jesus, Savior, standing like a stranger in the night, out in the rain - as if my window were so important that anyone would want to stand under it - serenading me with his gentle, unperturbed, patient silence, simply waiting for me to be ready.

Lately I have become attuned to a new knocking at the door of my heart, and I know exactly what it is. I recognize in it an invitation from the Holy Spirit to worship. I have become attuned to how I postpone responding to this precious invitation, how I distract myself with competing activities, how I wait for the knocking to settle down and leave me alone, how I check in later and am relieved that the one at the door has finally given up and gone home.

But somehow the knocking is coming into focus, emerging from a fog of vagueness into the forefront of my thoughts. I can talk about it now. It is a phenomenon now, a subject to write about, an issue to bring up in conversation. I am turning to face it, I am walking toward the door. I am turning the knob, I am inviting the Holy Spirit in for a nice leisurely visit. I am putting aside my knitting, switching off the TV and tuning in to what my "guest" has to say. Holy Spirit says, "Worship more!" And in that message I also recognize an answer to prayer.

How many times have I asked the Lord to show me His heart? How many times have I asked the Holy Spirit to lead and guide me, to set my feet in the right direction? How many times have I asked for more faith, a deeper walk? Any number of prayers have come forth from my mouth, and this invitation is the answer. I will grow more faith, walk closer to the Lord, find relief from the stresses, have greater clarity and certainty about God's will for me, if I just spend more time in worship. The reward is there. The answers are there.

Do I have the stamina to stay awake in the garden, to stand vigil with my Lord as He prays? Do I have enough desire to commune with my God to fight off inertia, to overcome my laziness, and go that strange new path with no tools, no computer, no pencil and paper even, no guitar or cell phone, just my heart of worship?

Show Me How To Pray

God shows me how to pray. I say to God, "How would you like me to pray for so-and-so or such-and-such?" Then I stay alert and look around for clues to what His answer might be.

When Frank fell away from his faith I asked God how I should pray for Frank. Then I pulled up in front of a Jack In The Box restaurant. In the window were three posters for new products. One said, "Shake Things Up" - it was for a new milkshake; one said, "Outlaw Burger", and one said, "Choose Ciabata". So I took the three slogans and put them together to say, "Shake Frank up so he sees he is an outlaw and chooses salvation in Jesus."

I prayed this consistently for many months, and recently Frank reported that he did have a shake up, saw that he was going to go to hell, and chose Jesus. This has convinced me that when God shows you how to pray, He has you on target with His mighty and perfect will, and that's exactly where I want to be.

(You may ask, "Why didn't you pray that Frank would Things his Burger Ciabata?" But then I would have to say that God does not dwell in the meaningless, but thank you so much for the suggestion.)

Since then, I have asked how to pray for many family members and friends. I am using a lot of road signs and billboards and such, and finding this a very effective shorthand for prayer. One set of friends gets a prayer that they will be united in Christ, because I saw a United freight truck when I asked about how to pray for them. Another gets a prayer that she is washed spotless, because I happened to be passing a carwash that used those words when I asked God how to pray for her.

By the way, I am totally loving the current AT&T ad campaign that I'm seeing on city buses. When I laid concerns about the deterioration of my house before the Lord, He showed me an ad that says, "The Most Complete Provider for The Way You Live". Yes, I do live under Jehovah Jireh, according to "the Way"! Another ad says, "Your World Delivered", and I say AMEN.

Lesson From a Hymn

When I encountered the hymn, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, I was very touched by it and added it to my repertoire. But as I examined the words, I found myself troubled to be singing lyrics that confessed to being prone to wander from God.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love;

No Lord, not me! I will never wander! Those can't be the words of one who loves you as I do! I changed the verses around, since the song was too long anyway and I found I could combine this phrase with that one and make a perfectly good reduction that eliminated those lyrics that I didn't like.

Then one day I found myself wandering. I was undone, like a doll whose stuffing and stitching were coming apart. I had a bad week. I experienced chilling faithlessness. I forgot God's promises, His Word and His comfort. I found I hadn't read from the Word of God for so long I was lost in a foreign country. I let doubt, confusion and distress be my master. I couldn't maintain steady worship. As I groped to find my way back to peace and the familiar warmth of the bosom of the Lord, I finally saw myself in those words.

Left to my own devices I will revert to my former ways. I will become a slave to the desires of my flesh. I will descend into isolation and despair. I will worry myself sick. If I am passive, inertia will be the tool of the enemy to bring me to forget, disregard, doubt, neglect, and finally be swallowed up in a numbing sleep.

Christianity is not intuitive, it is not native to our selfish natures. It is not passive. Only by the daily renewal of vows, the constant involvement in spiritual surrender to the precious Lamb of God, the continual discipline of worship, can the Lord overcome the barriors of self and remake us in His own image. For this reason, I sing,

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter, Bind my wandering heart to Thee.